I have not wrote an original post, or posted on here for a long time. However, tonight I have finally found the time to rant about life. A lot has changed since I last posted, I am a college graduate, I live in Brooklyn, NY and I think I am chasing my dreams. What most people don’t realize is I am more alone than ever. I have thrown myself out of my comfort zone and thus have challenged my ability to socialize, survive and succeed.
Some days it feels great to be in the big apple, to finally feel like in some small way i’ve actually made it, but then other days the stress of work and maintaing a personal life takes over and I realize that my world is completely morphed.
For starters, I don’t have any friends. I have a few associates that I know from Richmond, but they are not genuine friends and I knew that when I was in Richmond (I don’t know why I would seek to clutch on them as a means of security in NY). I have also gone through a wide range of emotional obstacles to maintain my relationship with josh and even that rests on a skewed teeter.
Overall, I am living without certainty and it is terrifying. I don’t know if I can make my rent, I don’t know if I will eat three meals in one day and I don’t know if I will have money for the bar, but for once I am making every decision in my life for myself. I have no friends who I feel obligated to entertain or impress and at the same time I don’t feel an obligation to maintaing a job. I am merely doing what 18,000 dollars worth of debt at VCU couldn’t do.
I am finding myself. I am an emotional wreck in distress and as mortified and enraged as I am with my circumstances I also couldn’t be anymore excited. I am no longer stuck. I finally have the mobility to be free and despite my hardships, I AM LIVING on MY TERMS and I couldn’t be anymore proud of myself.
- Megan Baldwin
The secret to life is that all we are is the result of what we have thought. Be grateful, take time to appreciate and you will feel great about the life you live.
Angela Strassheim - Evidence
Evidence is a group of photographs taken at homes where familial homicides have occurred. Long after the struggles have ended in these spaces, despite the cleaning, repainting and subsequent re-habitation of these homes, the “Blue Star” solution activates the physical memory of blood through its contact with the remaining DNA proteins on the walls. The black and white images are long exposures – from ten minutes to one hour – with minimal ambient night light pouring in from the crevices of windows and doors, capturing the physical presence of blood as a lurid glow.
My older brother Torrey wrote this poem for me:
They say Im hyperactive n my grades reflect that
A A D D the blind still can’t sea
Like mayflowers and such
Columbus discovered what
I want to go far
Disregard the box to fly
Words, spoken language can’t describe
The motion… motion,
world unknown deep within the ocean
Ocean deep above the head
We travel to untaught places
Where distance is non existent
And love is not love but yet
A breath of fresh
Newness or rather ancient
No but rather all regard for the sacred
Shaman told us, others sold us
And now truth is forbidden like fruit for the living
Far beyond we float
Coming back, nope!
- Yves Saint Laurent
The Smiths - Asleep
“Don’t feel bad for me. I want you to know deep in the cell of my heart I will feel so glad to go.”
I am overwhelmed by the routine quality of life. It is so painfully mundane, I can no longer separate the days by the weeks. I’m losing my mind trying to conform to the structure of “adulthood.” So, I anxiously fight the clock, hoping to find peace of mind, but I fear that the only way to accomplish this is by running away from all my responsibilities.