I have not wrote an original post, or posted on here for a long time. However, tonight I have finally found the time to rant about life. A lot has changed since I last posted, I am a college graduate, I live in Brooklyn, NY and I think I am chasing my dreams. What most people don’t realize is I am more alone than ever. I have thrown myself out of my comfort zone and thus have challenged my ability to socialize, survive and succeed.
Some days it feels great to be in the big apple, to finally feel like in some small way i’ve actually made it, but then other days the stress of work and maintaing a personal life takes over and I realize that my world is completely morphed.
For starters, I don’t have any friends. I have a few associates that I know from Richmond, but they are not genuine friends and I knew that when I was in Richmond (I don’t know why I would seek to clutch on them as a means of security in NY). I have also gone through a wide range of emotional obstacles to maintain my relationship with josh and even that rests on a skewed teeter.
Overall, I am living without certainty and it is terrifying. I don’t know if I can make my rent, I don’t know if I will eat three meals in one day and I don’t know if I will have money for the bar, but for once I am making every decision in my life for myself. I have no friends who I feel obligated to entertain or impress and at the same time I don’t feel an obligation to maintaing a job. I am merely doing what 18,000 dollars worth of debt at VCU couldn’t do.
I am finding myself. I am an emotional wreck in distress and as mortified and enraged as I am with my circumstances I also couldn’t be anymore excited. I am no longer stuck. I finally have the mobility to be free and despite my hardships, I AM LIVING on MY TERMS and I couldn’t be anymore proud of myself.